2019 was like... (quarter life crisis, heartbreak, and some ugly and confusing sadness)

2019 was like, 

loving someone you can’t have
losing your first lover, the first guy who watched you naked, your soul 

losing people you though gonna last forever 

losing your faith 

losing your money when you don’t even have some 

losing your trust to your own self 

losing your dream job that you have dreamt about it since you were 17
losing your basic life skills that you dont even know how to wake up and not feeling sad
losing your friends so they are now the stragers with laughter you can recognize 

losing yourself in order to get someone to stay
losing your value and you dont't even know what
losing your family when you are living the same roof as them 

drinking for the first time when it was just you and the ghost in you 

learning to fly but you freefall instead 

losing everything you earned: love, trust, money, and even words 

fighting with the monster in you 

and every shits fell down like the drops of rainfall 

I told my buddy that 2019 is a sad year for everybody. He smiled crying at the same time, “I felt that, yes”. We both almost cried online. Since that, I tried so hard to find myself back and I told him that it’s gonna be okay. And he said, “I am okay if you are okay”. 

I remember I wrote him a long page of motivational statement about how it’s gonna be a happy ending, how we gonna heal each other, how we gonna start the new chapter, how we gonna recovery from his broken legs and my broken heart, how the sun gonna shine again, and every damn thing.

It was November when I won the battle. I said, “are we okay now?” he said, “look at you now, you start to shine again.”

I nodded. I’ve never felt so perfectly happy and cured. I told him, "I always pray for you!"