No, I mean, see you in wildest dreams.

I have so many thoughts about. There’s many shits till I can’t remember one, but I do remember how it feels like to finally be able to breath, to sleep well, to learn the worst lesson from your long gone loved ones when they walked out from your world. It was like a heart attack at first. It was like, you know, you watched a very beautiful calming sky with the people you love and you thought that’s going to last forever and the birds sing as the winds blow perfectly but then all of sudden it was thunderstorm and you got shocked and you couldn’t help yourself and you got burn. You didn’t expect that. Nobody warned you. And gone. “and gone, gone, gone, everybody’s gone” like the end of a bad pop song.

I was there all alone sitting on the floor thinking what I did wrong, for 6 months. I hate it when people walked out of my life cause I don’t have thousands people in my damn life. My circle is small, you can’t even see it. So, when you are counted, I am gonna treat you like a favourite t-shirt I am gonna wear it all day no matter how it has holes in many parts. I am not talking about lover, boyfriend, soulmate, you name it, I am also talking about friends, best friends, you name it again. I lose two best friends two years ago and I never gonna forgive myself for that tragedy. So, I don’t wanna lose anyone ever again. But it’s so hard that we did bad things, we hurt each other, and that’s make me wanna be alone. And there I go, I lose them, I let them walk away from my life in the name of mental health and wellbeing.

At first, I thought it’s so damn hard. But time heals, and time kills whatever that made you cry in the past. I mean, you work so hard for yourself to be a better person, to have a better state of mind and the view of how life works. Now I can loudly say, it’s easy. Moving on it’s easy. Sarah Kay said, “…losing baby teeth I thought I needed.” And that’s how it feels like. And I have never felt better than this.

And all I can say now to the people I used to love, or the guys who pretended to love me, thank you. A lot of thanks that I couldn’t explain how thankful I am for what happened. I mean, you guys, you never gonna learn something if you never experienced bad days and you never know how to love somebody if they didn’t exist in your life. I would never forget it, the moments, the people, the memories, the beers, the tears, the joys, everything. Every beat about what happened even when it was so gross. I would never forget every lame jokes, every words said, every broken promises, every unsaid things, unsent messages, unheard voice notes, and even every poetry I didn’t write and you didn’t read. I appreciated it.

The famous last words, you gonna miss me someday and I’ll be in heaven watching you. No, I mean, see you in wildest dreams.